To Heaven And Earth And Back Again
by daiyaonna
Summary: He murdered my love, my twin, and I lust after him. I have become pathetic, and Hokuto would hate me for it... SubaruSeishirou oneshot


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters…just the words, thoughts, and ideas of the story in their specific order.  ^_^

Warnings: Partial AU, shounen-ai/yaoi, and some other stuff I probably left out.

Author's Note: *sigh* Well, I hope I don't get flamed for this.  *grin* Anyway, this was my first attempt at writing anything based around 'X' and I really enjoyed trying to bring the characters to life.  I hope it suits you as it suited me when I wrote it.  The overall concept of 'X' definitely intrigues me, and I find that Subaru and Seishirou fascinate me the most, for some reason.  So, I decided to write this strange little one-shot ficcy about them.  Well, I believe I've said enough, so please read and enjoy.  

Dedicated to my best friend, Aiko-chan, who loves these guys more than anyone!!   

R&R!

To Heaven And Earth And Back Again

            Sumeragi Subaru…

            I am part of the light, that great grandeur of delusion everyone fools themselves into thinking is good, and I love the dark.  Its patient, half-missing gaze, the fragrant scent of Sakura, and the must of burnt cigarettes entrances me.  I want it for myself, but it's illogical.  The shadows murdered my twin –I cared for her more than life itself- and took my destiny away from me.

            Sumeragi Subaru…

            That's who I am, by default.  I was born with the name, heir to the Sumeragi Clan after my father had died.  I was young then, I didn't know what it meant to "be of Heaven," but when Hokuto died, I finally accepted it.  Nothing could contend with the grief but my deep hatred for the dark, for the Earth I had come to resent, but a thin line always existed between my hate and my love.  I could not tell the difference –I was young, naïve, and inexperienced- and perhaps that was my fault.  I tripped the metaphorical trigger and fell head long into emptiness.

            And when I went down, I went hard.

            It was painful, to wake up one morning and realize that I couldn't wait to taste the blood in my mouth from those hits, both magical and physical.  It tugged at my heart, the one I thought I had lost, and I finally put a face to the shadows that blinded me.  

            And with that face, there came a name.  One I could never forget.  The name of my sister's killer, the Sakurazukamori, was imprinted in my mind, in my brain, and on my heart.

            I tasted for revenge, and it was my darkness that fed my hunger.

*          *          *

            The thing that follows me, this lovely little image of a boy who is unaware of anything he wants, intrigues me.  A challenge, perhaps a tiny obstacle, nothing more than that, I know, but something tells me differently.  The intoxicating smell of Sakura blossoms wrapped around me, calming my mind to an extent.  How at ease can a Dragon of the Earth ever truly be?

            For me, these times are rare, more so are the times I actually get to think about being calm, but despite my cool demeanor, I'm restless.  This _boy_, this "Dragon of the Heavens," disturbs me, even under the protection of the Sakura trees, the abundance of plant life in Tokyo.  The city is going to hell, I am its dictator, along with others that assume themselves my allies, but I can't get the image of mussed black hair and large, almost confused eyes out of my mind.  I've even split his blood, whenever we met.  In some perverse way, I think he likes it, and I can't deny that I do not like the skirmishes we have.  They are, simply, mysterious and nerve-racking.  He **can** fight, I taste the power he wields when he manages to land a punch or a kick –never his spells- but he doesn't try hard enough.  

            A real enigma, him.  And, infuriating.

            Leaning back against he bark of my beloved tree, my favorite –it's hard to imagine that something so tainted could love something so unrelentlessly- I close my eyes beneath the glasses I always wear, sighing mentally.  This whole ordeal has me tired, I'm honestly not as bad as they can come –that cocky Yuto's one slick bastard in my opinion- and I want to rest, to live the luxury I would like to have, but I cannot, I **will not**, until I solve this mystery.

            Just who are you and why do you haunt me, Sumeragi Subaru?

*          *          *

            As I expect, I find him there, beneath the Sakura I love to inhale –my dear Hokuto, your memory will forever be in their fragrant colors- but I don't think he has noticed me yet.  I stare at him, observing the lanky body beneath the weird suit he wears.  I hate it, but in some way, it does him justice.  It accents his broad shoulders, the gracefulness of his neck… I bite my tongue, forcing my thoughts away from him.  He murdered my love, my twin, and I lust after him.  I have become pathetic, and Hokuto would hate me for it.

            No, I argue with myself.  She died for a reason, lost willing to this man of the earth for something I do not comprehend, and in some sick way, I think it is for me.  She knew, the horror of the realization hurts my soul, and she had given her life to make me happy.  I felt tears burn the back of my eyes.  My sister was so giving and kind, doing nothing for herself, and she was gone because of my sick infatuation with the dark.  Hokuto wouldn't hate me.  She had known all along…

            "Stop hiding.  It's disgraceful." His voice sent a shiver down my spine, the tiny hairs on the back of my neck prickling, and I reluctantly stepped out of the dark –yes, I hid like a coward- gloved hands tightened drastically.

            "I…how long did you know I was there?" My love, my curse, smiled bewitchingly, eyes hidden beneath the dark shades that concealed half of his face.  I had only seen him without them once, his right eye empty of any sight, and the memory made my heart flutter.  I was now pathetic _and_ juvenile.

            "Long enough," he muttered, withdrawing a cigarette to light it and pull in a long drag.  His lips hypnotized me, and I felt myself gaping.

            "Those are-"

            "Don't say it.  I don't care." A slender finger drew the sunglasses down, and he peered at me, almost haughtily.  "What are you doing here?"

            "I…" I thought about making some excuse, but I knew he could see through me.  So, I told him the truth.  "I wanted to talk." His eyebrows shot up.  He was clearly amused by my confession.

            "Interesting.  Why?"

            "You-" My breath faltered.  "I…"

            "Lovely.  There is no 'us,'" he answered, and I sensed my cheeks involuntarily flaming.

            "No.  That's not what I meant."

            "Oh?" He was definitely intrigued.  He walked towards me, Sakura petals fluttering around his head almost like a halo, and his grin was purely demonic.  My legs buckled, but I persisted.  I _had_ to be strong.  'Then what about you and I, my dear Subaru?" I shivered at the sound of my name coming from his mouth.

            "I…I wanted to say-" His close proximity, sudden and abstract, caught me off-guard, and I backed up, bumping into something hard and solid.  A Sakura tree?  How had that gotten there?

            "Then do it and save us both the grief.  The fight is boring me already, and we haven't even begun." He crushed the cigarette in his hand, the smell of combined smoke and cherry intoxicating me, and I lost grip on reality.  He had killed my sister.  I loved him.  She had loved me.  Had he **cared**? At all?

            "I don't want to fight!" I nervously bit my lip.

            "No?  Then what is it that you want?  This conversation is futile." A blossom landed in his hair, nearly caressing it as it flowed over his cheek.

            "I want-" Abruptly, I leapt at him, arms outstretched, and I caught him around the neck, hoisting myself up to kiss him.

*          *          *

            The boy was quiet, and obviously nervous, but my pleasure at seeing him was incomparable.  He was cute.  The innocence and scared pretense of wanting to talk just so he could see me was adorable, but I sensed something more to it.  He was familiar, yet, I couldn't place it.

            "I want-" There was a pause, and I stared until my only good eye couldn't take the sweetness of his face anymore.  His quick movement instantly caught me defenseless when I blinked, and his weight descended upon my shoulders, nearly knocking me over.  His petite mouth tried to kiss me, at least, that's what I thought, but he missed and ended up brushing against my nose instead.  It was weird but otherwise welcome, but I was interested as to what had brought _that_ on.  "I…oh god…"

            He was blushing.

            Definitely cute.

            "It would help to find the right place," I murmured, and he squeaked even as I tilted his head back, our gazes heated.  "Like this." My lips melted against his, sweet and provocatively heaven, and the innocent little thing gasped, his mouth opening awkwardly to attempt prying his tongue against mine.  I couldn't help the grin.  My fingers slithered around him, gathering his stiff body against mine and proceeded to teach, unable to deny myself this entertainment.

            The boy, I decided, was just too cute for his own good.

*          *          *

            I was burning alive inside.  It was the only way to describe what was building frantically in my chest, and I moaned against him, his fingers rubbing seductively against my backside, lifting me closer –why did I have to be so short?- and occasionally squeezing hard enough to send a flood of arousal through me.  This was new, and oh, did I love it.  His taste was of minty ash, the flavor of his cigarettes, and I could smell Sakura all over him.  He was like one giant array of senses, and my revenge, my anger, my hatred faded away, blacked out by the electricity destroying my brain.

            "S-Seishirou…" His name was foreign in my voice, but nonetheless thrilling to say, and he growled unintelligibly, deft fingers tearing at parts of my clothes.

            "I don't understand you," he whispered into my ear, a wet tongue sliding in the hollow dip before tracing the outer edge.  "You are…what do you want?"

            What did I want?  How could I tell him all the things I felt?  I was a complete mess.

            I wanted to kill him.

            I wanted to torture him.

            I wanted him to love me.

            I…wanted him to fuck me blind, screw me senseless, make me forget who I was, and all of those other dirty things that no one would approve of.

            How was I supposed to tell him _that_?

            "Kiss me…" I groaned mercilessly against him, grinding my hips shamelessly into his.  I could feel how he wanted me, no matter how many times he had denied that there was no "us," and he jerked at the belt around my waist even as I worked the aggravating buttons of his shirt open enough to slide my hands inside.  His skin was warm.

            "Is that all?  I can't…why do you haunt me?"  My sanity was gone before I could answer, his fingers were slipping beneath the edge of my unzipped pants, and I clung to him, my heart only able to scream at him.

            _'You killed my sister!!'_

*          *          *

            "Mmm…cute." The voice was quiet against my slowly pounding heart, and I nuzzled the throat mere inches from my face, the surface slick with sweat.  We lay in a heap beneath the Sakura trees, still almost fully clothed –our haste had been too great- and I was satisfyingly fulfilled, nearly sated, until his words brought me back to reality.

            What had I done?  He was the enemy, my sister's killed, and I had touched him, surrendered to him, had been defeated by him.  This couldn't be happening.

            I panicked.

            "T-this was wrong.  I-" Lips tore my breath away as they kissed deeply, and my eyes fluttered shut. 

            I realized I couldn't help it, no matter how hard I fought.  Hokuto, forgive my weakness.

            "You worry too much.  Relax." I felt him shifting and heard the strike of a lighter before smelling smoke.  He was…smoking?!

            "It kills you know." There was chuckle, and I could hear it from where I lay on his chest.

            "Yeah, and so do a lot of other things.  Live a little." I tilted my head back, a faint blush spreading across my cheeks.  How could I love and hate the same person all in one feeling?

            "I…I am," I answered, pressing a tiny kiss to fragrant skin.  "This and you…"

            "Don't you mean us?" he mocked lightly, obviously teasing, and allowed my eyes to close as his free hand moved up to stroke through my hair, thoughts rampant in my head. 

            I understand that I can't help who he is or what he has done, and it still hurts.  Everything does sometimes, but I have to be strong.  I have to survive it.  I must become my birthright as I had before meeting my darkness, my lover, and I know it won't be easy.  I have to contend with my past, I would avenge my sister, in my own way, but right now was for me and for him.

            Sakurazuka Seishirou.

            This was true heaven, and it had been earth all along.

~Owari~

A/N: Seeing as how someone's at least made it this far, how was it?  I know it completely coincides with nothing in 'X' aside from the obvious, but it was how I wrote it.  *shrug* I would probably consider this AU, as well, because, let's face it.  Subaru is addicted to smoking, and he would _never_ tell Seishirou that it could kill him.  . That was my mistake, for being careless as I wrote, but I think it makes an interesting twist.  And, everyone's disappointed that I didn't have a full lemon, too, ne?  *giggles* It's strange how that works, but I'm not going to get into the details.

Anyway, thanks for checking out my one-shot, and I will soon post another Seishirou/Subaru one-shot if anyone's interested in reading it…with more pleasing citrus fruit to boot.  ^___^  

Please review!!


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